The power of acceptance in relationships
Mar 19, 2023
There's a temptation in relationships to seek partners or friends that fill unmet needs from past experiences. We can do the same to ourselves - moulding, twisting and striving to be the partner or friend someone else wants us to be, or whom we want ourselves to be, to avoid repeating the mistakes of our past relationships. While it can be helpful to break old patterns and learn new ways of connecting– striving for perfection can stifle real love.
Instead of judging ourselves or our partners, connection and relationship are found in the messiness of life and relationships when we can embrace ourselves and other people who we are. When we relax into our relationships, allowing them to be messy, sometimes complicated, but ultimately genuine and full of real love, we open ourselves up to a whole new world of possibilities. When we accept the other person, and ourselves, flaws and all, we create a space where genuine connection and understanding can exist.
Don’t try to mould someone into what they’re not – instead, invite them to be who they truly are. Likewise, don't try to mould yourself into being someone you are not.
This does not mean accepting unloving or abusive behaviour. Accepting that someone's behaviour is offensive, hurtful or otherwise unacceptable to us sometimes means loving ourselves enough to let them go rather than fighting to get them to change.
Love doesn't mean forcing someone to change. It doesn't mean sacrificing our values, needs and beliefs either. Sometimes, our values might differ from the other person's. For example, one wants children, and the other does not. One wants to put down roots, and the other is not ready. That doesn't mean one is right or the other is wrong. These differences can be honoured. Loving someone means embracing them for who they are and what they want and desire - even if that's different from what we want for ourselves. This kind of love has the courage to let go as much as it has the ability to hold on.
Love yourself as you are and others as they are.
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