Most of us could benefit from developing more assertive communication skills, but we might fear doing so in case we end up offending other people. Most of us people please to some extent. Perhaps we say yes rather than disappointing people but end up exhausted and quietly resentful. We may be fearful of rejection or criticism if we communicate our needs. This can lead us to neglect ourselves and our own needs. We might be concerned about being nice but end up feeling unseen and unheard.

Assertive communication, by contrast, allows us to calmly communicate our limits, and say no when we want to say no. It means when we say yes and give to others, we do so sustainably. When we respect and care about our own needs, we are more able to communicate them clearly and get what we need from our relationships. Being assertive doesn’t mean not being nice, but it is more concerned with being real so we are seen and heard in our relationships.

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