Making peace with your inner critic
Jan 30, 2023
Our inner critics can be harsh and unyielding in the criticism, demands and guilt that they heap on us. This can result in us being afraid to try anything new for fear of failure, seeing ourselves as worthless, being frustrated with ourselves and feeling defeated.
It can be easy to see our inner critic as an enemy. When I work with people in therapy, I often ask them if I might speak with their inner critic. We often find that as bullying and cruel as their inner critic may be, they are also often terrified and seeking to protect them from failure, criticism and humiliation.
Understanding our critic's intention can help us to respond to them with empathy and kindness. Rather than fighting or trying to placate our critics, a better way to deal with them is to build up a compassionate inner guide - a good parent, a kind teacher, a compassionate coach who accepts us entirely as we are, embracing both our successes and failures and acting wisely in our best interests.
When we nurture self-compassion, we can give ourselves the support and security needed to handle anything—from criticism and rejection to fear of failure or uncertainty. We can start to kindly assert ourselves with our inner critics, reassuring them that we are capable, autonomous adults who can handle rejection, criticism and setbacks.
Through embracing self-compassion, we will gain the courage to try new things, take care of ourselves and proactively address things that are harming us and when we do, our inner critic can start to seem a lot less poweful. We may even find they start to melt a little and take a back seat when they see our wise, compassionate, strong, courageous self stepping up to the plate.
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