Having compassion for "narcissists"
Jan 31, 2023
From the outside, "narcissists" can appear to be all confidence and bravado, but beneath this mask lies a powerful river of insecurity and pain. Those who have become close to a "narcissist" may have seen the profound vulnerability and suffering at the root of hurtful and abusive behaviour. You might have deep sense of compassion towards that pain and vulnerability.
Having compassion doesn't mean you should tolerate or overlook harmful behaviours. Pleasing, placating, ignoring or compensating in response to abusive behaviour isn't compassionate because it perpetuates hurtful behaviours and harms you and the other person.
Compassion is being attuned to suffering and acting in ways that alleviate it.
Compassion can lead us to lovingly hold someone accountable. Sometimes it means walking away. Sometimes it means creating more distance between you and another person. Sometimes it means making more space for someone
There is no one size fits all answer to a relationship with a narcissistic person. That's why you need to nurture your own wise, compassionate, courageous self-advocate so you can act with courage, strength and commitment to your own needs and interests to alleviate suffering for you and for others
The following is a simple meditation exercise you can try out to nurture self compassion.
Put a hand on your heart or arm with soft, supportive touch and gently say to yourself
May I be happy,
May I be healthy,
May I be safe,
May I live with ease.
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