When you first meet someone with narcissistic personality disorder, you might meet someone who is charming, confident, charismatic and impressive. It is often said that eventually, this "mask" drops, and you will see the angry, cut off, bullying, stonewalling true self underneath.

I don't think this is true at all. At heart, people who might be described as 'narcissists' have typically had childhoods in which they did not experience unconditional love and acceptance just for being themselves. So they cope by being extraordinary performers in some way, to impress and attain a sense of worthiness and acceptance in the eyes of others. When ordinary humans cannot keep up the extraordinary image they have created, they become terrified of being seen, humiliated for being ordinary and therefore worthless. This can lead them to become angry, defensive and withdrawn. In these states, someone can cause great harm and hurt to those close to them.

The true self underneath, is the one that a narcissistic person often wants to hide. The inherently loveable little human who needs love, connection and acceptance, and firm, loving boundaries.