Pathological narcissism can be thought of as a means to regulate self-esteem. A narcissistic person may swing from feeling on top of the world, thinking they are superior to others, to the pits of despair, thinking they are utterly worthless.

Self-compassion allows moving away from competitive thinking and self-worth contingent on achievement. "Narcissists" often view self-compassion as weak, indulgent or pathetic and fear that it would take away their "edge", the triumph, power and superiority they strive for. However, self-compassion means that instead of beating ourselves up for our inevitable mistakes, we can learn from them. We can forgive ourselves and learn from failures without defensiveness.

Self-compassion gives us more courage to take risks, try new things, and pursue meaningful goals. Setbacks and challenges become learning opportunities, and we can ask for help rather than sinking into soul-destroying shame or self-loathing. This makes us more resilient and more able to work towards valued goals and achievements even in the face of considerable adversity or frustration.

It also means we can value other people, accepting and offering help without feeling threatened or undermined or needing to be top of the hierarchy. It allows us to connect with others. Far from taking away our edge, it means we can foster close connections with other people who will genuinely celebrate our success. In not needing a sense of superiority to regulate our self-esteem, we can give other people the attention and interest they deserve, nurturing better, warmer and more respectful relationships.