Navigating such relationships, especially the end of such relationships, can be a profoundly lonely and isolating experience. We may meet many people willing to give well-meaning (and sometimes not-so-well-meaning) advice that Oliver rightly identifies as bad advice. Sometimes we can feel pulled into mending and fixing everyone else’s life, when ultimately, the only life we can save is our own.

 

We need the support and holding of supportive friends and family. We also need space and solitude to tune into our inner voice and wisdom. In doing so, we can find autonomy and become friends with and strong advocates for ourselves.

 

I love that Mary Oliver talks about finding your voice AND striding deeper into the world. Her words resonate with my experience of supporting survivors of abusive relationships. The more you find your own inner voice, the more deeply you can connect with others.

 

What do you need more of? Healthy solitude so you can quiet, tune into and trust your own wisdom and judgement, or supportive relationships that you can lean into.

 

If you are supporting someone through the aftermath of an abusive relationship, be mindful not to be an advice giver. The most precious gift you may be able to give is a compassionate space in which your loved one can find their own voice.

 

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